Posts Tagged ‘fucking’

1. Your profile. BAM!

2. cryptic Status Updates That Look For Attention
“Lex Windows WISHES YOU WOULD STOP CALLING ME FFS”
“OMG Whoos callin u dude?”
“They know who they are, I’m not going to say anything”

WHAT? YOU JUST FUCKING DID, YOU FANTASTIC DICKHEAD.

3. See Who Your Biggest Stalker Is apps.
Firstly, none of these things work. Facebook isn’t a list of information that can be manipulated into any combination of teenage neo-faggot apps that deliver the news that the hottest chick in your Facebook Friends list has been secretly checking out your ugly ass photos taken from your mobile phone in your bathroom. It’s Not. Gunna. Happen.

If you think you have no chance on god’s earth with someone, thennnnn ya don’t. OK?

Secondly, if you’re a chick and you have heaps of photos of you flouncing about in undies/nude/duck face poses in your bathroom then you don’t don’t need an app to tell you who’s stalking you, you just need me: EVERY FUCKING DUDE IN YOUR FRIEND LIST. THEY ARE CHECKING OUT YOUR FINE ASS AND BANGING TITTIES. Don’t like it? TAKE DOWN THE SLUT PICS THEN.

4. Serial Likers and Serial Pokers.
Scotty AssassinMc thinks everything is shit and fuck everyone
Puppy Fart *likes this*
FUCK OFF

5. Saliva Dripping Sleeze Balls That Add Hot Chicks They Don’t Know.
Almost every one of my female mates are drop dead gorgeous. Some of them so much that they are models, which means they put up a lot of their modelling pics. Good for them, I reckon. But then each of the photos they post comes this under it, from people you have never seen or heard of before:

Tom Dickenharry: Helloooo!
Harry Muffdiver: Woah girl! SO HOT lol
Barry Dumbcunt: Man if I was only 50 years younger lol!
John Isreallysmall: Sexy sexy sexy. Wish u wer on my beach! LOL
Random Fuckwit: Hey are those metal earrings? I love metal! We shud cach up and talk metal (meaning I want to rape your ass)

HELLO, SLEEZE BAGS… CAN I HAVE A SECOND PLEASE?

Rule 1: Chicks don’t choose a suitor from Facebook Comments, nor does it turn them on
Rule 2: Chicks like to have sex with a) People they know, and b) PEOPLE WHO AREN’T OLD FAT SLEEZY GREASEBALLS
Rule 3: Chicks that are STEAMING HOT in BIKINIS while MODELLING ON A BEACH, how can I put this, er, YOU DON’T HAVE A CHANCE IN LIONFUCK OF GETTING.

So look, take your hand off it, do some laps of a pool or find thrity by anything but walking to KFC, buy clothes from somewhere besides Target, get a personality and go out and talk to ACTUAL REAL WOMEN. You might get laid if you’re lucky.

I seem to get a few hits from this porn-type stuff, searches for tags I put on like fuck, sex, manatees and so on. Even my travel blog gets the occasional “Thai girls” search engine hits. So, being close to Xmas and all, I thought I better give something to these poor fat slobby sleazy fucks that are sitting there with four cans of coke poured into a vase, three meat lover’s pizzas, potato chip crumbs in their lap, sitting at the PC in a darkened room searching for “fucking” on WordPress. Here ya go ya fat fucks:

Fuck, lick, slap, suck, kiss, bite, push, hard, soft, sherpas in sheep costumes, fanny, doodle, NURSE (that bit isn’t part of it, that was just me typing out loud in my cell, it’s happy tablet time), where was I? Oh yeah, slide, poke, sweat, dick, lick, slappy mc slap, pull hair, rubber gimp mask, rubber chickens I dunno, what are you people into?

Work with me here. No pun intended.

OK, I’ll give it a bash. There’s this chick, right? She has these boobs and shit, so you’re like, sqeezing that shit, right? And she’s all like “ooohh yeah daddy, give it to me hard” in a stupid fake voice and then does one of those Beverly Hills 90210 girly giggles. You’re like “Hell yeah, bitch” and start going crazy, tearing her clothes off left and right, I mean that shit is flying everywhere. It’s all lacy shit too, HOW FUCKING HOT IS THAT? LACY SHIT! and then you pull out your 27 inch mega-wang and dust off the Oreo crumbs from your stomach and say “OK this is Captain Penetrator calling Naval Base, preparing to dock” and she just goes apeshit, OM NOM NOM NOM. BAM, you’ve slapped her in the face and say “Bad doggy” and she wimpers then cries, then plays a gnarly air guitar, fuck this bitch is mad hot.

So then you’re getting down to business, and you have one leg on her cheek, one leg on the couch (I forgot, there’s a couch, OK?) she has one foot in your ear, and the other on the curtain rail near the window. It’s the maddest sex position in the world, and you just invented it because that’s how fucked up you are, in a fully awesome way. Then after that bit, you’re like “Can we go missionary?” and she’s like “Hell yeah bro, I’m catholic, I LOVE that shit!” BAM, you’re going hard mish style. It’s SO lame that it’s cool. You’re hell cool at fucking. Now you’re like “Yo, I’m gonna come, I’m gonna… o… oh… ooHH… OOOOHHH” and she’s like “Oh YEAH I’m so HORNY” and you’re still doing your “O” face and AAAARRRGGGHH your mum walks in and turns the light on and it’s actually your aunty.

Suck shit you stinky perverts, fuck off somewhere else.

I started this blog less than 2 months ago and by the time I get home it will be over 1000 hits.

1000 Hits – 12:20pm

1. Happy 1000 Hit Birthday AntiNerd

2. Google and SEO doesn’t mean shit in terms of personal blogs. Professional websites, etc I can tell you first hand SEO works, and very well. But personal blogs? Get fucked. The only hits I get from Tags are “fuck” and “sex” etc.

3. People read blogs like they watch Big Brother, because humans and the human condition are interesting. Some can express it well, some can’t.

4. If your blog looks like an Ad, it’s boring. There’s ads all over the internet. Get a personality and then start blogging.

5. Be interesting, write well, and keep it raw, that’s what a blog is for.

Peace,

xxx

Scott Assassin