A Few Things That Don’t Actually Make Me That Mad, Just Sayin.

Posted: May 18, 2011 in Uncategorized

People who never shut up about going to the gym.
You went for a run??? OMFG, CALL CNN. When you post on forums, update your Facebook status, mention at dinner or the pub how sore you are from a workout, how great the run you just went on was or excited you are about beating your “record”… do you realise how exhaustingly boring you are to everyone else? Here’s a tip: You can’t substitute your gym updates for being genuinely interesting. Unless you’re an Olympic athlete: Shut the fuck up.

News networks on the “planking” bandwagon.
I know it’s been a slow news year with just boring stuff like millions dying in Congo and that thing with the arabs or jews or whatever they’re called, but do we need to hear more about planking? Planking didn’t kill anyone, stupid people killed anyone. PEOPLE LIE DOWN ALL THE TIME YOU FUCKING BOTTOM FEEDERS, AND BY BOTTOM I MEAN ANUS.

A recent ex, telling people I have a small dick.
Well, no I don’t. I would have thought you felt differently too, due to the noises you used to make that sounded like a cross between a cat in a George Foreman grill and a cheap porn actress with tourettes. In fact you sounded almost like your friend did, except she didn’t have bad fake tits. On the subject of inserting objects into inanimate hollow carcasses, I assume this also explains your choice of size-anxiety insults which would account for your decision to insert those unrealistic chest bubbles into your bone embossed chest. Be more original with your insults, you odorous stick legged chicken wrap.

Quit Smoking ads on TV by the Australian Government.
Stop selling them then you fucking idiots.

People who tell you they’re going to do something then don’t.
There are a fair few of you people out there, and guess what. I hope you’re clinging to life one day and begging me to help you, screaming for me to save your life. GUESS WHAT FUCKERS? I’m going to tell you “Yes, no problems! I will definitely save your life.” Have a big bowl of fucking death.

  1. Todd Lockley says:

    I told you the week before last I was leaving the scene, the following week I was at Nu:Tone, now you want to offer me a big bowl of death? I really didnt mean to hit you in the head with the lighter scotty :(…

  2. me says:

    haha love the ex hate: that’s one thing I’d never do, no matter how shitty they are to me during a breakup or after. You don’t discuss negative sex-life details. There’s a line….tsk.

  3. Anti Nerd says:

    I think she is discussing bitter made-up rejection compensation rather than sex details.

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