Advice For Terrorists.

Posted: May 8, 2011 in Being Angry At Something
Tags: , , ,

I'm fucking watching you, Terrorist. I can see your flying bomb and I know what you're upto.

Don’t play coy with me, Terrorists. I’m onto you. Our governments have told us all about you. What’s with the ninja masks? You can’t even do a roundhouse kick YOU DON’T EVEN OWN A PAIR OF NUMCHUCKERS. I have another thing to tell you as well, Terrorists: YOU’RE NOT EVEN REAL MUSLIMS. Why? Real Muslims don’t blow themselves up or kill people. Just because you read the Koran and yell “Allah!” all fucking day doesn’t mean you’re a Muslim. Guess what? Islam hates you.

I’ve been watching you for a while, Terrorists, and YOU KNOW WHAT? I know you are just blowing yourselves up to be mean. You’re like the mean kid at school who just LIKES being mean to other kids. You have NO VERIFIABLE REASON to blow up infront of people, you just have a fucking mean streak and I hate you. Were you not taught by your mother that BLOWING YOURSELF UP AT PEOPLE IS VERY RUDE?

I don’t give a fat fuck what kind of extremist idiot you are, what rabid, dusty and shrapnel cobbled country you fight for or how many guns you have. I just need you to pay very close attention to the next two sentences:

1. Nobody fucking cares who or what you think you’re dying for.

2. Killing yourself and others shows that you lack the basic cognitive tools that even a lobotomized infant orangutan could possess during a heavy LSD binge.

Now let’s talk about your “cause”. What the fuck is it? Do you even know? Because none of us do and we’re trying to figure out what your problem is. Do you realise that the Western World you despise so much, have no idea why you blow yourselves up all the time? Yes, that’s right, nobody has any idea why you kill yourselves for what ever dinky little cause you have. You blow yourselves up for nothing. When our media reports a suicide bombing on the TV (it’s a plastic box that we can see moving pictures on) they just talk about how you blew up, and blew some other people up that knew nothing about your cause either. Nobody EVER talks about the reasons you did it, we just talk about how stupid you are for dying in the face of ignorant bliss. You’re like the tree that fell in the forest while no-one was there. You’re like when I throw a cigarette up in the air and catch it in my mouth but no one is around to see my accomplishment, except you don’t accomplish anything and smoking has a better kill-rate.

Have you ever thought of hiring a PR guy? I mean, and lets be honest here, you’re shit at PR. No one likes you. The fact you’re killing yourselves in the name of apparently nothing tells me you’re passionate about something and it must be pretty cool if you’re willing to die for it, so how are you going to get your point across? The blowing up thing isn’t working, and you won’t gain any power by riding camels, swinging an AK47 (the ’47’ stands for ‘1947’ dude, that’s older than your camel) and yelling “ayayayayayaaah”. So it’s time to start looking for a better angle.

Have you thought about doing something good? Can you imagine that? “Welcome to Nine News… Tonight: The Taliban send 1000 boxes of Cadbury Favourites and a shipment of teddy bears to Haiti to raise the spirits of a disaster effected people.” EVERY SINGLE Aussie, Kiwi, Canuk, Pom and Yank watching TV will spit their dinner all over the screen in shock, drop the remote and google “awesome terrorist dudes” just to see what you are about. YOUR MESSAGE WILL BE TRANSMITTED.

Is this making sense to you? Put the goat down and listen, this is important.

You also need to realize that waving the Bible, Koran or whatever book you follow around doesn’t justify your actions. It not only makes you look stupid, it makes anyone who follows that book properly look stupid too. The problem is that not everyone who watches our TVs are smart, so they think EVERYONE who follows the religion you follow is as retarded as you, which fortunately is not the case. So knock it off, Terrorists, you’re not helping anyone.

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