In an attempt to maintain some kind of composure during my self inflicted sense of abandonment, both purchases were made with little consideration or regard to my current credit card debt situation…but fuck it…the six week absence of otherwise copious copulation on tap that i would be missing out on couldn’t really have a price on it?…. right?……With 3 weeks to go im beginning to question my otherwise proactive intentions. As it stands i’ve either be too intoxicated to have a “peel” to my newly acquired “pulp vids”…which might i add are exceptional on the PS3′s blue ray laser (HD Cable and effective blood flow not included) or been drinking too much to effectively pump invading Russians full of lead in MW3 to unlock the M60 with a dope scope attached…..see a pattern emerging?
Don’t be quick to judge….i’ve always been one to adapt, in fact i actually enjoy the new direction Eminem has chosen to take with Rihanna n some of his tracks…lol, jk.But seriously, if i’m at work (a large regional pub) and some blokes in hi vis ask me about my opinion on the weekends footy, i’m the first to drop the pitch, broaden the nasal cavity and reply with ” yeah, nah they were laughin’ at the end of the first, did’nt think they’d pick up the slack till the end of the second, but, yeah, nah, knew they’d get there in the end.” I thought my transgression into bluffing my may into the local community of gamers would be much the same. No. The secrets out, like multiple smudged nightclub stamps on your wrist screaming to the AM population your dirty secrets from the night before.Hi my names Gibbo. And I am. A noob.
My usual response to this apparently highly humiliating lable would be along the lines of “well at least i ejaculate in the presence of a female more than once a month”……in fact some times on a good streak its more than once a week. Giggidy. But no, imagine the panic, the dismay, the sheer and utter shame when you realise that this usually reliable rebuttal is useless? Fucked huh?
As i write this, a good mate recently returned from a thailand binge is sitting next to me achieving what i could only hope to in 15 years of abstinence….after swapping our newly acquired tales of (his) conquests the conversation quickly turned to the fresh game console sitting on my dresser….” you any good?” i casually ask….”mmm ok, i used to play battlefield but this is MW3″…….SICK….i think to my self, maybe, just maybe….i can impress one of the gaming community!
Nope….this cunt owns…..hard. hand eye and dexterity like a fucking boss. Leaving me to steadily assault this carton. The only head shots i’m getting are when i open a beer to quickly and knock off any over enthusiastic froth….like a boss. (I’ll clean it up later, the missus is away)
So in conclusion, if your left without a steady influx of interaction with the opposite sex don’t follow suit and spend $485 on quick fix solutions as i have……Buy lot and lots of booze, subtitled movies and a good pillow and you too will get through it. Just make sure you have a picture of her naked on your phone in-case your called a noob.
Wish me luck.
